If Only
by rainbowsunderwater
Summary: Eren and Levi have just gotten out of high school.Levi has been accepted in the military and hes pretty successful. But Eren on the other hand has been struggling. When Levi comes back and is greeted with terrible news what will he do? And how will Eren deal with his feelings for Levi? Will he confess? Or will he keep it in? Does levi even love him back? i suck at summary's !YAOI!
1. Chapter 1

**WARNING THIS FIC CONTAINS YAOI! this fic does contain swearing, yaoi, possibly rape, possibly drugs,and suicidal thoughts but no character death or something crazy like that. ****Okaaaaii this is my first story that I have ever written so please be kind I mean be honest if your gonna review but please know that this is my first fanfic I have ever written so if there is anyway I could improve on my writing do tell! Also sorry for any mistakes. Now everything you need to know. 1. Everything any character or I will say will be in bold to prevent from any confusion. 2. Any flashbacks or views of the past will be in italics 3. Levi will be taller then Eren in this fic for seme reasons xD anyway enough of my rambling.. REVIEW and enjoooy~**

There stood in a dimly lit room was a unfinished piano. It looked as if it was abandoned years ago, but that wasn't the case, it was just that its owner happened to be a lazy brat. The surface of the keys even though cracked and weathered the beautiful hand carved signature could not go unnoticed. I ran a chilled finger along the keys gently, leaving a clean trail behind the line I traced causing me to frown.**"Filthy."** is all I said before wiping my dirtied finger off onto a spare cloth I tend to keep on me. While I was thinking of ways to carefully clean off what stood in front of me my thoughts were interrupted by a familiar voice.**"Heichou?"** I could here his gentle foot steps as he approached me from behind.**"Brat."** is all I said along with a smile but it was a smile I would never allow him to see so I quickly collected myself and put on my everyday poker face before turning around to face him but I was not at all glad nor delighted to be greeted with the sight I was given. His naturally tan and radiant skin has paled and his usual vibrant and beautiful green eyes that could light up any room he walked in have became dull and lifeless, but his smile remained. It took all my strength to keep myself from running to him and embracing him, but that little strength i had didn't stop me from gripping his chin gently and tilting his face to an angle so I could easily gaze upon his face.**" Why cant you show up at least once without having a million things wrong with you?" **

(Eren's p.o.v)

It took me a while to come up with an answer. His face was just so distracting. His pale flawless skin was somehow radiant and was just begging to be tasted and marked, his naturally dull charcoal colored eyes that hid all emotion were mysterious and captivating. Anyone could get lost in toughs eyes of his, they were hypnotizing. Absolutely breath taking. And don't get me started on those lips-**" I don't have all day you got an answer brat or do I need to beat it out of you?**" It took a lot not to laugh but his words did manage to send shivers down my spine because we both know that, that was more than a threat, it was a promise. **" What do you mean Heichou?"** I always wanted to call him by his real name I actually tried I mean was alone of course,I just sat in my room for 20 minutes saying l-l...le...leeeeeee...vi.**" Are you blind brat? You look almost as pale as me and you look like you haven't ate in days! Not to mention the bags under your eyes,have you been sleeping properly?!"** The worry in his voice did not go unnoticed and it made me smile but I wish he wouldn't worry over someone like me, I'm not worth it. **" Heichou I assure you I am fine,also what were you doing with my pian-" Dont change the subject brat!"** Damn it. There is no way I could tell him the truth I had to make up something and fast. Maybe if I only told him part? Big mistake.**" Well I will not lie to you considering you would probably bash my teeth in if I did but my eating patterns haven't been the greatest and since I do not have a lovely wife to make me a nice breakfast and a hot meal everyday"** Nor a house to do so **" An apple and occasionally a bowl of rice is what I have been living off of I mean money is tight but its fine so don't-.**The expression he gave me caused me to bring my sentence to a halt. Now we all know that Heichou is the master at some of the scariest looks and it wasn't a big surprise if he wore one but this is a look I have never seen him wear and for the first time in my life I could see some emotion in his eye and the aura that was radiating off of him was one that would scare off even the manliest of men.**" ARE YOU FUCKING INSANE?! I KNEW YOU WERE STUPID BUT DAMN IT EREN!" **Was it bad that I was actually happy I mean sure this was my last moment to live but he said my name!**"That is it!You promised me if I were to allow you to live alone that you would take care of yourself! I obviously cant trust you. That or you have no idea how to survive on your own! But from now on you will be living with me!"** Now your probably really confused at this point.

_Me and Levi have been friends since middle school but we parted ways the moment he joined the military. I couldn't be anything but proud of him not to mention he became one of the best! Reason why I call him Heichou hehe it pisses him off but so what? He calls me brat all the time! Anyway once he arrived back home he found out that I was having some trouble getting on my feet. I tried to convince him that it was okay and that I was fine which actually worked for the first couple weeks untill he found out I was using my body to make money. Long story that we can save for later but when he found out boy was he mad! To start off he forced me to to tell him the addresses of all of my "clients" and names as well. After beating the crap out of them he had them arrested for some reason I mean its not like they did anything wrong it was me who offered but Levi said that its nothing I would understand. Anyway after that he forced me to move in with him. Now living with Levi was one of the most amazing experience I ever have but I just couldn't shake off the fact that not only did he cook, clean, and give me a place to stay he paid for everything! You would think that someone like him would want a little something in return but no he actually got pissed anytime I brought the subject up so instead I moved out after a couple moths of begging him. But I obviously was not okay, I still had no money and I had no idea how to survive on my own. So where have I been staying exactly? Same place I was before I was forced into his home. Outside preferably the alley way because it was more "safe" and it was easier to get money from those who came by I mean anyone who was sane stayed out of the alleys so the people who didn't were definitely easy targets.. So you could see why me being in the position I am now was not a good one at all._

**" Tell me your address." "W-What..why?" " So we can go collect your things obviously! Now what is your address and don't make me repeat myself Eren or I swear to god-" I-I...I don't.." "You don't what Eren spit it out! I'm starting to loose my patients!"** What patients Levi what patients?** " I don't have a address!"** And this is the part I regret even being blessed with being able to open my mouth..**"...What do you mean you don't have a address every home or apartment has a-...Eren please tell me this doesn't mean what I think it means"** he said calmly, or well calmly as possible. Any sane person would have ran by now, his whole body as well as his voice was shaking as he tried to remain calm. His veins looked like they were trying to crawl out of his body and his hands were balled into a fist so tight to the point you would think if he kept them like that any longer they would stick together. **"H-Heichou p-pleeeeaaase calm down"** I said while backing away slowly knowing that at any moment he would blow but instead he did the unthinkable. And it broke my heart. Heichou was crying...?

**Mkaaaaaii so that was the first chapter! I know I know it sucked and there was a million grammar mistakes as well as typos but I hope you still liked it! I may update it depends if people actually like it though hehe welp until next time ~ Rainbowsunderwater**


	2. Chapter 2

I don't think i need to put a warning label on this one but just in case. WARNING! This fan-fiction contains yaoi. Enjoy the second chapter please review it would make me day~

"H-Heichou p-pleeeeaase calm down."I said while backing away slowly knowing that at any moment he would blow but instead he did the unthinkable. Heichou was crying...?

I wanted to believe that each tear that fought its way out and down his cheek, was a lie. I wanted to believe that each sob and whimper that had escaped his lips, was just the wind that eased the silence with its soft cries. But it wasn't. Never in my life have I ever seen this man cry. Even when we were in middle school have I never have seen him shed a single tear. Not when that bitch Petra dumped him before going out with the schools hottie Erwin explaining that " He was two short and and that she was into blondes." Not even when said hottie and his gang would bully him on the playground at recess because of his "weird hair cut" and the fact that he never smiles because he has no friends which wasn't true! Not even when we were cooking pasta in are home economics class and he spilled boiling hot water all over him! Not to mention the hot pasta shells that had clung to him because he refused to put oil in it like instructed and everyone laugh at him! And to make it even worse he had to go to the hospital because he got 3rd degree burns! But did he cry? No he just stared at his body before saying "ow." Like what was this man a robot or something? Did he not feel pain? Or was it just when it came to me? Now that I think about the only time that he gets worked up over something is when Its about me. He doesn't care much when people pick on him but the moment Erwin even tried to fuck with me he was right there by my side. Well actually by Erwin's side beating the crap out of him .Who would have thought someone his size can bring down someone as giant as Erwin he was as tall as a titan!( I'm sorry for all the people i have triggered by saying the word titan xD)

"H-Heichou..." is all I could manage to get out. I wanted to embrace him. To hold him. To wrap my arms around him tightly and whisper in his ear that everything was okay, but before I could do that he grabbed my wrist and dragged me out of the room causing me to panic. This is it hes gonna kill me! " H-Heichou please calm do-"SHUT THE FUCK UP DO NOT UTTER A SINGLE WORD TO ME UNLESS I ORDER YOU!" Well that managed to shut me up as I feared if I were to even take a breath he would skin me alive, but my plan to not even utter a sound was ruined as I was forcefully pushed into what looked like his bathroom before falling into what felt like the tub. My head made contact with the cold, hard tiles which made me hiss in pain but I was glad that the rest of my body somehow managed to fall in the tub in a way that it was actually kind of comfortable. My legs dangled over the edged of the tub and my butt sat "comfortably" on the bottom of the tub. I wasn't allowed to say anything but I couldn't tell you how curious I was. While I was recovering from the events that took place only moments ago, I began to watch as Levi paced around the room, he seemed rather irritated while he was gathering items such as soap or to be more precise body wash, a sponge (not the soft ones, one of those rough ones.) and a bottle of bleach. Suddenly realization hit me "W-why woul-...wait please don't tell me." Strip!" is all he said before he sat his items on the counter and stared at me. H-He expected me to strip in front of him!? "Heich-" the look he gave me promised death if I continued any father so instead I took a moment to dispose of my pride and dignity since I wont be needing before I stood and began to rid myself of my clothes.

(Levis pov)

I calmly watched as he began to slip off his shirt exposing his chest before he let his shirt fall to the ground. I could tell he was nervous because I have not yet informed him on what I was going to do, but may I at least say one thing? Damn he was sexy. I watched as he struggled to rid his lower half of his pants that clung to him refusing to slide down his legs which caused me to chuckle."Do you need help brat?" his response was the shake of his head assuring that he got it.

After what seemed like forever he finally managed to get his pants off which now lay on the floor beside his shirt. Now on to the last pesky little piece of fabric also known as his underwear." H-Heichou..d-do I h-have to-"Yes..remove them." I said a little to excitedly but luckily for me he took it as a hurry up brat before I beat the crap out of you type of tone.

(Erens pov)

S-Shit he's gonna beat the crap out of me if I-I don't! D-Damn it I reeeeaaally don't wanna do this for obvious reasons!..l-like what if I get hard! I've had a crush on Levi since we met and its been growing ever since. Mikasa said that I should either tell him or move on because she says he is affecting my social life. Hey just because I didn't go to prom or missed half of my meet ups with friends because I was too busy thinking about him in the comfort of my own home doesn't mean anything! I sighed knowing that I'm gonna have to do it sooner or later so I grabbed the waist band of my underwear and pulled them down slowly letting them drop to the floor before picking them up to place them alongside the rest of my clothes. "Nice view brat." OMG DID HE REALLY JUST SAY THAT? Its like he doesn't care about my situation at aaaaaall! " T-Thank you...H-Heichou." I mean what else could I say? At least he calmed down or well that is what I thought until I felt my hair being pulled and I was once again forcefully pushed into the tub causing. I didn't even noticed that he had turned the water on until instead of meeting hard tile I was greeted with cold water instead.

(Levis pov)

Sounds of pain escaped his lips before he started to cough violently while trying to gasp for air. I assume he accidentally swallowed some water. "H-Heichou w-why are you..?" He said softly as tears started to form but have not yet fallen over. "Why what?! You're a fucking slut aren't you? You should have no problem showing me your body am I right?!" I instantly regretted what I said the moment I saw the hurt in your eyes but I did not take it back for it was too late. His sobbing was ignored as I took the sponge and started to scrub his body down starting with his upper half. "What's wrong huh?" "What's so good about them anyway?" "Why can't you come to me?" "Why can't you just come to me when you need a friend?" "What's wrong with me? Am I not enough Eren?" Before I could say anymore I was suddenly pulled into his lap. I immediately clung to Eren's shoulder's and buried my face into his chest. Silent sobs were heard but they did not come from him they came from me." Levi..talk to me what is wrong? I have never seen you like this.". When I looked up to gaze into his eyes I noticed the seriousness and the fact that his arms tightened around me even more just said that he was not going to let go until I told him what was bothering me."I-I just cant accept the fact that other man would but his hands on you." " Why does it bother you?" he asked with the tilt of his head." B-Because...I love you"


End file.
